You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
