yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
