not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
