Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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