If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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