He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
