So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
