Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize