People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
