i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
