She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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