Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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