I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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