Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
