At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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