FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
