my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
