Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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