i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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