Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
