i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
