I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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