There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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