we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
