Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
