Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
