So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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