I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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