The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im holly from the hills drunk
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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