i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
