if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
