I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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