I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
