Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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