Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
