2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
