I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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