The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
