This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
