the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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