jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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