cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
