Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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