Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
