All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
