You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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