i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
