Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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