i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
True strength comes from lack of pants
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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