I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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