if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i will never coherently bang her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????