I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."