I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything