she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
