4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Awful Traits That Pretentious People Exhibit
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
People Share Why They Quit a Job on The Spot
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.