Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??