I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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