it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
