I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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