And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
