I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
