Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
