I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
