smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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