you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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