I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
