My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
